I know that every woman has asked themselves this question a time or two, or more. I know that every woman has thought to themselves about how they have given a guy their all and yet they still stepped out on them. Being a man, I have been asked this question so many times and every time I attempt to give an answer it seems that my point of view changes. See the truth is there is no 1 answer to give women when it comes to our mysterious ways of infidelity; however there are a handful of common reasons why we do what we do and some of these reasons you may be aware of and some you may not. So, it is my goal is to bring a little clarity to this situation because I think men take a lot of the blame which we should but in some rare cases….and I do mean rare, the blame has to be shared. So I want to point out these common reasons and give you a little background as to why men cheat, so if the next time you find yourself in a situation where you see any of these signs in your relationship you can either fix it or walk away.
- He is not really interested in you –This may sound simple and slightly cold hearted, but ladies….it’s the truth. See men, our hormones are always in high gear and in order to contain ourselves it takes some serious discipline and self-control. In order for us to have discipline, there has to be some interest there. If a man is not interested in you, he will always risk the relationship or your trust just to have a little fun and experience something new or better. So whether you believe it or not, being faithful is like a job but the more a man is invested emotionally and interested in a woman the easier that job is. I’m saying this from experience that as a man temptation happens every day. It’s nothing you can do to prevent it but be focused on what you want and need which is the person you are with. With men being physically driven by what we see our bodies create urges when we see things we like. Self-control is driven by what you want and don’t want and what I constantly remember is that I don’t want to hurt the woman I am with because that one mistake could cost me her forever. When you want and need a woman you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize having her in your life.
- Emotional Dissatisfaction– This reason may seem foreign to most women but 48% of men cheat for this reason alone. I partly blame this on men because men usually have a hard time expressing our emotions, but it’s still a woman’s’ duty to pay attention to her man. As hard as we are externally we are just as soft internally and we need love too. Men more than anything want to feel appreciated and of value to you. It’s important that you let him know you appreciate him and even though he is not perfect you appreciate everything he does for you. As cheesy as that sounds it he will make sure to return that favor to you and not pay any attention to any other woman that attempts to stroke his ego.
- Sexual Dissatisfaction– Now of course every woman thinks a man cheats because he is not satisfied sexually, but only 8% of men say that they cheat for this reason. Yes it plays a part but it is not the only reason men cheat. Sex is very important to us in many different ways. I think some women misunderstand what a man really wants in the bedroom. Men are very physically driven, the simplest things keeps us excited and interested but the smallest things can also push us to go find a replacement. Most men are sexually turned off by rejection more than anything not saying that you should give us sex whenever we want but I am also saying to make sure you say yes a lot more than you say no. Not being desired by a woman and rejection are two of the main reasons men are not sexually satisfied. Most men just want two simple things when it comes to sex and that’s for his woman to initiate sex and for her to want to have sex almost as much as him. When a woman initiates sex it’s a turn on to men and makes us feel desired. Now, we know that the woman won’t want to have sex every day but to keep us satisfied it has to be a fair amount of time…..once a week won’t cut it. Sorry ladies, I’m just telling you like it is. If you are with a man it is your responsibility to satisfy him and keep him happy. If you are not willing to, don’t get upset when he is unfaithful because in our society the popular response to unhappiness is finding a substitute.
- Maturity-Being faithful to any woman comes with maturity. Most men feel that before we get into any committed relationship we must explore all of our options and have fun while doing so. Am I suggesting that every man has to test the waters just to be faithful…? NO!!!! Do men use it as an excuse? Yes. It shouldn’t take dating multiple women to be faithful to one woman. It doesn’t even make sense but does it take maturity? Yes. When I speak of a man being mature I am referring to him knowing and understanding what he needs and wants as a man and what type of woman he needs and wants as well. You gain maturity through your experiences in life not through sleeping with women. A lot of men make the mistake by choosing a wife prematurely and then finds out that she is not the woman for him. So by him not understanding what he needs and wants he goes to find what he “think” he needs. This cycle has ruined the perception of men because we constantly make the same mistakes over and over without growing and maturing before committing.
- Take away his manhood-Now I’m going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I understand every woman wants to be independent, self –made, and not dependent on a man but I have to let you know that in a relationship it’s really not needed. Whether you are the bread winner or the more educated one in the relationship we need you to make sure we always feel like the man in the relationship. This is also a part on the emotional side of a man where we need our ego stroked. This does not make a man weak by any means. What I know from experience is the more you stroke his ego or make him feel like a man the more he will open up to you. Men are very secretive and keep things bottled up on the inside because we are afraid of what you will think of us. If we feel like the man when we are around you we will effortlessly open up because we are confident in what you think about us. So remember this the next time you are thinking of cursing your man out in public or talking down to him, you are leaving that opportunity for the next woman to come in and take your man. It is very easy to leave or purposely hurt a woman that you feel doesn’t care about you when you attack our manhood it’s just like saying I could care less about you. So please monitor your words and every chance you get, praise your man with your words and actions so that he is always at his best when he is with you. When he is at his best he is the man of your dreams because he is all about you and no one else.
Of course these reasons I’ve given are just a few and I’m sure there are many more to add to the list, but from a male’s perspective these reasons are the most common. So the true question is how do we change this? I believe the more we understand each other needs and wants, the stronger our relationships’ can be. It is very imperative that both parties commit completely to the relationship so that you won’t leave the door open for others to come in. Again I am not justifying men cheating because we need to take responsibility for the stereotypes that we have placed ourselves in and start to change the conversations. It is preventing the good men from finding good women because they are going into every relationship protecting themselves from getting hurt which I don’t blame them. All in all do what you can to prevent the cheating in the relationship by focusing on who you are with and not just yourself, and the rest takes care of itself.
-One Man’s Voice-